Alert: Democratic Republic of the Congo Immigration Authorities Announce Limited Exceptions to Exit Permit Suspension

This notice updates the Department of State's September 27 adoption alert regarding the suspension of issuance of exit permits to adopted Congolese children seeking to depart the country with their adoptive parents.

On October 3, the Congolese Ministry of Interior and Security, General Direction of Migration (Direction Generale d’Immigration, DGM) informed the U.S. Embassy in Kinshasa that it will issue exit permits to adopted Congolese children who received immigrant visas for travel to the United States before the September 25, 2013, suspension effective date. Adoptive parents whose Congolese children received U.S. immigrant visas before September 25 must apply in person to the DGM’s Administrative Secretary for the exit permits. Please note there is no fee for the service, and the DGM usually takes a minimum of seven days to process each request for an exit permit for an adopted Congolese child to depart the country with his/her adoptive parents. The DGM Administrative Secretary may be reached at:

Mr. Albert Luyinu, Administrative Secretary
Direction Generale d’Immigration
65, Boulevard du 30 juin,
Commune de la Gombe
Ville de Kinshasa, R.D.Congo

The DGM further clarified that it will not issue exit permits for children adopted in the Democratic Republic of the Congo who received, or will receive, immigrant visas on or after September 25 until the DGM lifts the suspension. The suspension of exit permit issuances for adopted Congolese children applies to all intercountry adoptions and is not limited to adoptions by U.S. citizens. These exit permits are required in addition to U.S. immigrant visas in order for adopted Congolese children to travel to the United States.

Please direct questions related to this alert or a specific adoption from the Democratic Republic of the Congo to the Department of State, Office of Children’s Issues at 1-888-407-4747 within the United States, or 202-501-4444 from outside the United States. Email inquiries may be directed to AskCI@state.gov. We will also post new information as it becomes available on www.adoption.state.gov.

Two adoptions have delivered two very different experiences. Although both resulted in something wonderful, there’s no doubt one experience greatly influenced the other. Despite being pragmatic through and through, I dove into our adoptions with an open heart. I believe that openness got me through my first day in Aktobe and home with our oldest daughter 3 years ago.

I dreamt about it and thought about it constantly, wondering what those magical moments would be like meeting my child for the first time. Then it happened and it wasn’t anything like I’d expected, even after reading about others’ experiences and being coached on all the plausible scenarios. Looking back, I don’t think anyone could have prepared me for that day or moment, really.

A few years later, and I can recall every precious moment of that first encounter with incredible fondness. But the first 24 hours afterward, I was hardly focused on the good stuff. I was devastated by what I couldn’t control and what wasn’t going to be based on the ill-conceived picture I’d painted in my head. Even then, I realized I should have known better because many things in life don’t go as planned.

Rewind to July 2007. Two near-missed flights, a couple of intense pat downs and 36 hours behind on sleep, we hit the proverbial ground running until we finally arrived in Aktobe, Kazakhstan. It seems like we slept for only an hour before we were on our way to the baby house to meet our daughter. The whole experience was surreal from the dusty, bumpy ride there to the eerie pre-Soviet-era building that housed our child. All this was hardly as intimidating as the raw emotions we encountered on the front steps of the door from a couple who had just learned that the child they'd met the day before was being adopted by another family. Because they hadn’t agreed to adopt the baby the day they'd met her, she was open to other families. They offered a warning about what we could expect inside, but I didn’t need it. The pain in their expressions scared me more.

Finally inside, we listened unintelligently as our team spoke in a ping pong of rapid Russian. Already a little disoriented by the language barrier, I remember the place smelling of heavy paint fumes and several very intense women walking by us with stern expressions and odd looking hats. Then there was a parade of at least ten babies for the Chinese couple in search of a son with long fingers – a sign of intelligence we were told. I think my excitement peeked here as I watched each of these beautiful little bundles cross my path. I assumed our experience would be much the same. I was wrong.

We quickly filed into a dark 8x8 ft. room, no bigger than my cubicle at work, with our coordinator, two translators, a nurse and a doctor. I remember feeling like an animal on display at the zoo. All eyes were on me and my reaction. I was nervous and my adrenaline was on overdrive. In comes a nanny with the first child. They place her tininess in my arms and I melt a little, until they tell me she's 16 months (9 months older than she looks) and suffers from infantile syphilis. Our coordinator, likely noting my sadness, tells our translator to say, "this child is not for you." With that, the nanny removes her from my arms and carries her out of the room. It all happens so fast that I barely manage the two words - she's beautiful - in the mix.

Still slightly in shock after meeting the first child, the second child enters the room. We never even had a chance to hold her. She was easily two years old, scared out of her mind, and rocking back and forth so violently in her caregiver’s arms that I thought she might fall to the ground. Like the first child, she also has an incurable illness; one I can no longer recall. Again, our coordinator announces "this child is not for you" and with that she’s gone. But the visual of her hadn't left me yet. It was probably at this point in the process (emotions and sleeplessness running high) that I wanted to call it off. Mentally, I was drained and didn’t think I could put on a strong front any longer. Our request for a child under 12 months with mild medical conditions we could support at home didn’t seem to be here. And this experience in no way matched up with the one I'd imagined, making everything more difficult to process.

All bad news for the next child we met. Toddling into the room, no sooner did we glance her way than she hid behind her nanny’s pant leg and cried. A couple minutes later she let me pick her up and quickly buried her head in my shoulder. She was terrified of my husband, but curious too. She'd peek, cry and hide. I don't think either one of us got to see her face for more than a few seconds at a time. In the midst of the baby's sobs, the doctor told us about her health, which was better than the previous children we'd seen. Assuming we'd see more children because her age range of 16 months fell outside of our paperwork, we didn't ask a lot of questions. No sooner did I mentally dismiss her than our translator said, "this child is for you." I think it was intended to be a question, but it sounded more like a statement. Not knowing how to politely ask if more children were on their way, the door closed and we were left alone to discuss our interest in this child - the last child we would meet. Our conversation was probably one of the most heartfelt and tearful we'd ever had. I wanted to run, but fortunately my husband wasn't ready to give up. Our team quickly reappeared sensing our anxiety and, stunned, my husband agreed that we would begin the bonding process with the baby the next day. We left the baby house in a state of shock and I cried more than I've ever cried in my life, trying to decide if I was willing to miss out on the baby time I so desperately wanted and bring home a toddler instead. Still undecided, I agreed to spend time bonding with the child the next day.

Thank God because within seconds of seeing our daughter walk into the room, I was absolutely in love. It’s hard for me to admit, even to myself, that I had this type of reaction. And I’ll never tell our daughter this. But what I do know from my experience is that sometimes a day makes a difference.

Here's what I would have missed out on had I said no that day. A kind-hearted, eternally happy, polite little girl with a passion for learning new things and an inquisitiveness that has helped her test out of her grade level on more than one occasion. She's a beautiful dancer, incredible soccer player and an aspiring little artist. Almost five, she dreams of growing up to become an ice-skating princess with magical powers. And I believe she’ll do it. And although the experience of meeting our younger child played out nothing like the first - we saw healthier infants and I knew my child the instant I saw her - we probably would have missed out on this child altogether because we wouldn't have pursued the adoption in the first place. To think my children wouldn't be mine had I never had this experience makes every part of it worthwhile.

Adoptive parents give up a lot during the journey to their child. And while most people look at adoption as a gift to the child (of a family, stability, a future) we mustn't forget that the children--all adopted children--give up parts of themselves as they blend into their new families, cultures and lives. Let's do a little exercise, which I found on Shaun Groves's website. Number your paper from one to ten and follow along...

First, write down the name of the most significant person in your life.

1. Jim

Next, write down your most important role.

2. Mom

Now, write down your greatest support group. This might be friends, family, church--wherever you turn and/or whoever you lean on when you need to.

3. Emily

Write down your heritage.

4. Caucasian American

Now, write down the word 'Knowledge.' This represents what you know and what helps you get through your everyday tasks.

5. Knowledge

Write down your favorite place.

6. Home

Write down 'Cultural Information.' This represents everything you know about your culture.

7. Cultural Information

Now write down 'Resources.' This represents everything you own that has a value--material possessions.

8. Resources

Now, write down 'Values.' This represents your moral and ethical beliefs, faith, concepts of right and wrong, priorities, etc.

9. Values

Finally, write down the activity that bring you the most joy.

10. Watching my kids learn and grow.

Quite a list, right? This is the core of your being--everything from your cultural identity to your emotional pillars. Although it is hard to boil anyone's essence down to a list of 10 things, this list is a good start.

Now, which four things on the list could you live without? Put a line through them.

1. Jim
2. Mom
3. Emily
4. Caucasian American
5. Knowledge
6. Home
7. Cultural Information
8. Resources
9. Values
10. Watching my kids learn and grow.

Very well. Now, mark out two more.

1. Jim
2. Mom
3. Emily
4. Caucasian American
5. Knowledge
6. Home
7. Cultural Information
8. Resources
9. Values
10. Watching my kids learn and grow.

Great! Now two more. Two more things that make up who you are have to be marked off.

Can you even do it? As I pondered my own list I found it almost impossible to mark off six items; forget about going on with an additional two.

Now imagine this from an adopted child's perspective. What bit of grief and anxiety I felt as I tried to imagine my life without the things that truly define me are exponentially compounded for an adopted child. Whether adopted as an infant and looking for answers as they grow, or adopted as an older child and fully knowledgeable about what they have given up, it is important for all adoptive parents to realize the feelings of loss and mourning that their children can experience.

Well, that may have been true for old Lenny, but I am willing to bet he never adopted a baby as a single parent. Those of us that have been down that road know that, while love is crucial, it isn't all you need. You have to have energy, education, patience, financial stability, health, and, maybe most importantly of all, a strong support system.

The old African proverb says It Takes A Village To Raise A Child. Support systems, like villages, come in many shapes and forms. Some of us depend on sisters, brothers, neighbors and coworkers. Others rely on our church family and friends. Still others join cyber-support groups. When I began my adoption process, I knew I would need to rely on my friends and family to help ease the transition into Single Mamahood, but I had no idea how much I would come to count on my other village, my tight-knit group of Single Adoptive Moms, for support and guidance through the roller coaster of adopting and parenting as a single Mama.

We originally met three years ago through (where else?) Facebook, finding each other on our agency's fan page. When we realized we were all in the Cincinnati area, and all adopting babies from the same Central Asian country, we immediately started getting together for weekly lunches. In those early days, we would sit around nice restaurants, leisurely dawdling over coffee and salads, discussing dossiers and social workers. Flash forward to present day, where we meet every Sunday at a different kind of restaurant. It's loud, chaotic, and and not a white table cloth in sight. Yes, we now meet at a McDonald's Playland, swapping parenting tips and hand me down clothes as we simultaneously kiss boo boos and refill the juice cups of our beautiful children.

My single adoptive mom friends understand me in a way that others do not. They understand how physically, emotionally, and financially draining this alternative path to parenting can be. They understand my commitment to my child's cultural education, and my need for her to know and love her birth country. They have been there for me through the challenging times and through the rewarding ones, too. When I traveled overseas to adopt my daughter, I talked to them almost every day. From 7500 miles away, they shared my joy, and allayed my fears.

And of course, we all laughed knowingly over Skype, when, just hours later, I danced joyfully around my apartment with my daughter in my arms, whistling "Yes Sir, That's My Baby." Because of course, she was.

A valid point, but also it is important to remember that it is not a sign of her weakness or an indication of failure to reach out for assistance and support. After all, it was John Lennon who also famously wrote, I Get By With A Little Help From My Friends. While I love my Single Adoptive Mom friends, we don't agree on everything. One of us is religious, the others are not. One of us doesn't let her child watch any TV, I've been known to let my 18 month old watch a minute or two of The Bachelor (please don't tell my social worker). But we do agree on one thing. Being a single parent is the toughest job we have ever loved, we wouldn't have it any other way.